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April 11, 2006

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I love to hear what people think, especially about me. When someone laughs at something I do (on purpose or on accident), I like to know what exactly was funny. When someone likes me or likes something I've done, I like to know what and why. When someone doesn't like me or dislikes something I've done, I like to know what and why.

I know I give a lot of thought to people and their actions, what they reveal about their character, and so forth. I don't think I'm alone in that - it suggests to me that we all have a great deal of thought or even things we wish could say to others about themselves or certain actions or feelings portrayed.

It's always cool to get compliments or encouragement. If I really jammed on a song in a performance, I'm sure someone is going to tell me I did a good job. But what I'd really like to know is what they enjoyed about it, why it was enjoyable or 'good.' That it isn't to say that everything has to be broken down - there is also beauty in enjoying things how they are, free from deep analysis that may undermine certain moments and emotions.

On occasion, I ask why - sometimes a person could be hesitant to elaborate, perhaps as if I'm asking for more attention or praise. It's not really that. It's a learning experience. I like to know what people think of me and the things that I do; I like to know where I stand with people. It's not just wanting to be praised - I want the same information if I'm given negative feedback. I seldom ask others why though, and when I do, I'm never overbearing about it. I prefer it to come from them on their own accord.

This thought was brought on by my Christmas present from Greg, the youth pastor at our church. We work together closely as I help lead the worship band and serve as a general group leader. We've also become friends - he's just a year older than I am. He's in his second year out of Emmanuel College. When he handed me the white envelope, he told it wasn't much. He lied. For all of his leaders and helpers, he wrote a personal letter talking about how we've inspired or come across to him. It was great. He obviously wasn't going to write me a Christmas letter about all of the things I've done wrong, but I'd like to know what I can improve. It was all positive, but it wasn't so much the fact that someone was noticing my hard work that made me feel good, though it certainly made me feel good as well! The best part was that it told me that I'm doing a lot of things right. That's important when you're working for God, especially in a position which involves so much direct contact and influence with younger believers.

Some pieces...

"You are unlike most college students. Most students who go on to college want to get away from home and anything that reminds them of it. It's very hard for those who are in college to get plugged into a church. They feel too old to continue attending youth church, but yet feel too young to start getting plugged in with the adults. In my tenure here, I have noticed you have completely bypassed this stage in your life."

"Since my time here at this church [started], you have been involved in just about everything that has gone on. [...] The way that you lead in worship is amazing because you're not just playing the keyboard, but you are worshiping God with your hands and your voice. You are pure in heart and that's rare. There are a lot of people who are doing the right things, just with the wrong motives. You on the other hand have a pure heart which seeks to please God in everything you do. You do it with unselfish motives and the only desire is to make sure that all Glory goes to God."

This is the type of character analysis and reassurance I encourage, need, and can work from. (Sure, it could always be more in-depth, heh...) I spend so much time doing things - driving back and forth from school for practices, meetings, putting together charts, making sure I know everyone's vocal parts, picking out music - but I'm not often reassured by others that I'm doing the right thing, and doing so effectively. It's like hanging a picture on the wall. You need someone standing back a ways from you to tell you when you've got it level. It's the same reason that recording artists often get creative input from other musicians, studio producers, and recording engineers.